I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
