You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We got so high we made milksteak
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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