forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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