the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize