i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
