her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
