I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
