I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
