i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
