So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
