I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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