i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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