her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We left an ass print on the piano.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
