my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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