we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
