There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
