One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
