so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
