For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
