Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
