I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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