Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
