Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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