Kiss
Puke
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
