I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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