imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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