i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
