also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
