Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
