He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
