I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
