there's paper in my vomit.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
