gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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