you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
