felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
