Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
