just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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