I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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