I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize