So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
