i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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