I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pants are for mortals
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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