Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
