We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
