last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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