And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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