Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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