don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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