Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
