I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
