You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
