Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize