i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
