You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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