im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
