he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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