You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need to calm my uterus...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
