I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
