Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
