forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
