everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
