Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
