The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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