So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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