i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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